So, you know, I'm a girl. (How I'm going to begin all my conversations from now on.) Being a girl, each month I go through a very special time. A time when, according to nearly every Tampax commercial I've ever seen, I should spend wearing a bikini (because how in the world else will I inform people that I'm bloated?!) sitting by the pool. If I'm not sitting by the pool, apparently my only other option is playing soccer. I don't know why those activities epitomize a woman on her period, but whatever. I guess a video of a woman clutching a heating pad and like, screaming at literally everyone because HORMONES wouldn't sell as well. I don't understand why.
Anyway, this, my loves, is a true story about me this past week in a rare moment when I wasn't poolside or playing soccer.
I'd like to preface my story this way: I normally have the emotional stability of the average person, I'd like to think. But when I'm on my period, it's like, every emotion I feel is, I would guesstimate... roughly 8 billion times stronger than normal. Approximately. There's no way to be sure.
So there I was, watching a movie on Netflix one night at about 10:30. The movie itself isn't important... And by not important, I mean that it was Scooby-Doo 2 and I'm really embarrassed about it because I'm pretty sure that even a 7-year-old would have turned it off after the horribly special-effects-heavy Scooby-Doo performs a disco number.
So anyway, it gets to a point in the movie where Velma tells Shaggy and Scooby, who believe themselves to be misfits, that they have been heroes all along.
Awwww. So sweet, huh? WELL APPERANTLY I THOUGHT SO, because all the sudden I am legitimately crying.
Yes, Shaggy and Scooby!! You are inspirational!!! You are heroes! I wish I had a Lisa Frank notebook that I could write all three of our names inside, encircled in a heart!!
Like, what the heck am I doing?! I am a 23-year-old woman, CRYING at Scooby-Doo 2, a movie that is literally about how Alicia Silverstone's character is actually a costume being worn by a middle-aged man (let's not even get into how super disturbing that is) so he can bring down Coolsville's (clearly a town I would not be allowed into, judging by all of my blog posts) heroes. I am not laughing at how ridiculous this movie is; I am crying because I'm so touched by Velma's 30-second speech.
Yeah. For real. That story may actually be more embarrassing than it was to stand outside for all my neighbors to see me in my robe, but I can't think of any better way to encapsulate what being on a period is like.
Jinkies, it's hard.
Oh, and just a quick word of advice: never, under any circumstances, watch "P.S. I Love You" while on your period unless you're willing to watch and live its unofficial sequel, "P.P.S. Somebody Take Me to the Emergency Room Immediately Because I Just Lost 80% of the Fluid in My Body Due to Excessive Sobbing." The title wasn't super catchy, so uh, that's probably why you've never heard of it. But yeah. Trust me on this one.
Til next time,
Amy
Embracing my inner Scooby-Doo 🐶🔎👻
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