Monday, June 20, 2016

First Kisses, Starbursts, and Idealizations

Spurning my advances. #allijerk #snootigator
Here's a fun story for you: the first time I got kissed, my reaction was, no joke, "That was weird. Please don't do it again." (I was really nervous, okay?!)
If there were a list of things boys don't want to hear after they kiss you, I'd imagine that one would be sandwiched somewhere between "Wow, does your breath always smell like that?" to "I think your spirit animal is a dead fish."

Okay, maybe I just concocted those scenarios to make myself feel better about what I said, but you get the gist. I'm sure it wasn't his favorite thing to hear.

The point of this post, though, isn't to give you kissing pointers, because yuck, I don't really want to do that. And I can't undo a starburst using my tongue, so I'm probably not qualified anyway. (Gross.) This post is not about things you SHOULD say after a first kiss. (Though you could try this one on for size: "You are the wind beneath my wings." You're welcome. I'm sure that will get you a second kiss. Or also maybe no more kisses ever for the rest of your life. There's only one way to find out.)

The point of this post is that I had idealized for years what my first kiss was going to be like. It was going to be beneath a tree on a spring afternoon. My zit-free skin would be highlighted and contoured to perfection and I would look like an angel-goddess. I'd probably be wearing some flowy floral dress. And afterward I certainly wouldn't say "That was weird. Please don't do it again."

Instead I got kissed on a dirty old couch in a living room. So yeah. Dream big, I guess.

I was SO worried about finding the perfect guy to fit into that perfect day in my perfect life that was going to be part of my perfect eternity.

Unfortunately, spoiler alert: that didn't happen. And it couldn't have happened because a) I am still really bad at highlighting and contouring and b) life is NOT, nor will it ever be, perfect.

I think so often we want everything to work out in exactly the way we imagine. We want the right guy to come along and we pray for him and then we search and search and search for him like life is some kind of Where's Waldo book where it's just a matter of looking hard enough to find the guy who meets all of our perfect criteria.

I certainly wasn't any different. Whenever my friends dated boys or got married, though I was happy for them, I would always wonder in the back of my mind, "Uhm, excuse me, where is MY perfect man?"

Thankfully, my mother is wiser than I am and she told me something that changed the way I dated. One day after I'd had a good ranting sesh about my lack of luck with boys, my mom said, "Amy, don't worry so much about finding the right person. Worry about BEING the right person."

Then I was like, YES MOM. #GIRLPOWER
But seriously, think about it: you may not be able to control who comes into your life or when, but you certainly can control the person you are and the person that you're becoming. So stop worrying about finding the perfect future husband or future wife. Stop worrying about someone fitting your exact mold of what a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend looks like. Worry about YOU. Worry about being the best you that you can be.

Luckily, though I may have a tiny brain, I wasn't too thickheaded to realize that my mom was giving me some stellar advice. So I decided to give my mom's creed a try. (Not to be mistaken with the band Creed. Watched the "One Last Breath" video in 4th grade. Not a good life choice. #stillscarred) I decided that I needed to become the best me I could be. So I did all of those thing I knew I was supposed to do: I focused on church and on my relationship with God. I focused on school. I focused on reaching out to others and serving them. I focused on being healthy and exercising. (a.k.a. I rode the stationary bike like one time.)

And guess what happened when I started becoming the best me I could be?
I started to like myself a lot more. I liked who I was becoming. I liked the way I was living my life and I became comfortable being on my own because I liked my own company. I made more friends, I had fun with my roommates, I learned to love life... With or without a boyfriend.
And then, somewhere along the line, I did find the perfect guy. But he's already taken, so I'll hope for your sake that there's a close runner-up out there somewhere.

Just don't worry about finding him. Worry about finding you. 

Until next time,

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